


The Last Will and Testament of Oikawa Tooru, Age 29

by multifascinate (talkativelock)



Series: The Life and Times [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Characters as a Family, Artist Kageyama Tobio, Curses, Established Relationship, Gymnast Hinata Shouyou, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Nurse Iwaizumi Hajime, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-12-04 17:17:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11559783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talkativelock/pseuds/multifascinate
Summary: “I’m doing this for you,” he calls after Tobio. “Iwa-chan would understand. He would give my crisis the attention it deserves.” Tooru sprawls himself farther on the couch, taking up more room so that Tobio and Hinata can’t come back to watch TV.“Iwa-san says you’re a drama queen,” Tobio responds, followed by a hushed, “Don’t touch things that aren’t yours, dumbass.” to Hinata. Tooru wonders if Tobio is spending too much time with Hajime.In which Tooru is pretty sure he’s cursed, Tobio is probably gay even if he hasn’t figured it out yet, and Hajime is very tired.





	The Last Will and Testament of Oikawa Tooru, Age 29

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Oikawa's birthday but it's also for the Stream Team, without whom I would have never finished it. Here you go guys, you earned 30 pages of Oikawa being an asshole. Warning, this fanfic is a Mess.
> 
> Standard disclaimers apply.
> 
> Edit: I got myself a beta so the grammar has been mostly fixed. My beta is my fiance, who is now kind enough to edit all my future works for the grammar I am so bad at. All remaining mistakes are mine.

“Niisan, I’m home.” Tobio calls into the house, echoed by Hinata’s, “Sorry for intruding.”

Tooru knows that he really should get up off the couch and greet his adorable cousin and his less adorable but much tinier friend. He knows this, but he doesn't do it. Mostly because he’s going to die soon and Tobio should really get used to Tooru not being there to greet him after school.

Tooru hears footsteps and then he can feel Tobio loom over him. It’s disconcerting, how tall Tobio has been getting. He used to barely come up to Tooru’s waist. Tooru worries for a moment that Tobio will outgrow him before he remembers that he’s going to die so it doesn’t matter. He squeezes his eyes shut tighter and pretends to be dead. For Tobio’s benefit, obviously.

“What’re you doing?” Tobio asks, poking Tooru’s cheek.

“I’m dead, obviously,” Tooru tells him with a huff.

“You don’t sound dead.” Hinata’s voice pipes up from somewhere behind the couch.

“You’re weird, Niisan,” Tobio says, moving away from Tooru and towards the kitchen.

Tooru opens his eyes to watch Hinata trail behind his baby cousin.

“I’m doing this for you,” he calls after Tobio. “Iwa-chan would understand. He would give my crisis the attention it deserves.” Tooru sprawls himself farther on the couch, taking up more room so that Tobio and Hinata can’t come back to watch TV.

“Iwa-san says you’re a drama queen,” Tobio responds, followed by a hushed, “Don’t touch things that aren’t yours, dumbass,” to Hinata. Tooru wonders if Tobio is spending too much time with Hajime, then dismisses the thought. 

After all, it’s over ten years too late to worry about the effect of Hajime’s potty mouth on Tobio.

“Tobio-chan,” Tooru whines, “don’t be so mean to your Niisama.”

Tobio doesn’t respond, probably because he’s having a hushed argument with Hinata about what food they are allowed to eat. Tooru really should go in there and chase them out of the kitchen with a much smaller snack than he knows they’re trying to take since dinner is only a few hours away. He really should get off the couch and maybe do a load of laundry since they are almost out of clean towels. He should really do a lot of things but Tooru doesn’t feel validated enough to be productive.

With the sudden light of an idea, Tooru grabs his phone of the floor and sits up, getting ready to take an artfully tragic selfie. He’s in the middle of perfectly tousling his hair, with the aid of his phone camera as a mirror, when Tobio and Hinata come back in the room with three bags of chips between the two of them.

“Niisan, can we take our snack to my room?”

Tooru gives his cousin his best pouty face. “That depends, do you think I look tragic enough to earn sympathy from my instagram followers?”

Tobio gives him a flat look that he learned from Hajime around ten years ago. Hinata gives him a thumbs up. “You looks super pathetic, Oikawa-san.”

Tooru squints at him. “That wasn’t nearly as validating as I expected, Chibi-chan.”

Hinata shrugs, like he doesn’t particularly care how validating it was, which Tooru finds rude. He almost tells the shrimp what’s what but Tobio gives an impatient sigh, like he’s still waiting for Tooru to give him permission to go hang out with his best friend who he has been pretending to barely tolerate for the last eight years. 

“Come here, Tobio-chan.”

Tobio complies, grumbling all the way. Tooru reaches out and ruffles Tobio’s hair like he has since Tobio was a baby and Tobio bats away his hand looking embarrassed and harassed like he has since he turned thirteen.

“Put two of those bags away,” Tooru says, using his smug I’m-older-than-you voice, “you can only take one to your room.”

Hinata makes a high pitched whining sound but Tobio grabs his friend’s wrist and turns back to the kitchen, ever the rule follower, with a grumpy, “Fine.”

Tooru watches them go with fondness sneaking into his expression.

“I told you, dumbass Hinata,” Tobio hisses at Hinata once they’ve crossed the room, kicking out at his friend’s shin. Hinata yelps and deftly avoids the kick like the agile gymnast he is.

Tobio reminds Tooru of Hajime and he wonders if Tobio knows that he’s a little bit in love with Hinata and when he will get over himself and confess. 

Then he remembers that it doesn’t matter because he will never see it because he’s going to die before his thirtieth birthday and there’s no way that Tobio or Hinata will gain social awareness in the next few years, much less before July.

Tooru flops back down on the couch face first and whines into a pillow. He stays there and listens to the occasional bang of something being knocked to the floor in Tobio’s room followed by the inevitable shout of “Dumbass Hinata!”.

He’s still laying on the couch a few hours and two massively successful selfies later, feeling sorry for himself for having a cousin so stupid that he can’t tell that Tooru is in crisis, when Hajime comes home. 

Hajime’s grunt of “I’m home.” is ignored by Tooru as he goes back to practicing being dead. 

The kids don’t notice that Hajime’s home so they don’t come out of Tobio’s room to greet him and more importantly distract him from Tooru’s moping. Tooru can hear Hajime’s heavy footfalls as he approaches the couch.

“The fuck is up with you?”

Tooru turns his head so that his nose isn’t squished into the pillow anymore but he keeps his eyes closed. “I’m practicing.”

“For what?”

“Death,” Tooru declares.

Hajime smacks him, hard. Tooru yelps, opening his eyes to give Hajime an indignant look.

“Don’t say stupid shit, Shittykawa.” Hajime glowers down at him.

“It’s not stupid,” Tooru pouts, “no one in my family has lived past twenty-nine in generations.”

Hajime sighs and pokes at Tooru’s hips until he wiggles onto his back to make room for Hajime on the couch. Tooru settles his legs across Hajime’s lap, already feeling a little better. No one makes Tooru feel more listened to than Iwaizumi Hajime, even if Hajime is generally rude about doing it.

Once they’ve settled Hajime gives Tooru and expectant look, throwing his arms up in the air in an angry and exasperated version of a ‘lay it on me’. He’s still wearing his scrubs and it makes him look more harassed than normal.

“It’s like a family curse, Iwa-chan.” Tooru explains. “Before your thirtieth birthday there’s a freak accident and you die. My parents got in that car accident when they were twenty-nine and Auntie and Uncle died in that earthquake when they were twenty-nine.”

“Coincidence,” Hajime dismisses.

“Iwa-chan!” Tooru complains, sitting up as if that might make Hajime take him more seriously.

“Coincidence,” Hajime repeats more firmly.

“But my grandparents died before I was born,” Tooru insists, “and their parents died young too. And I bet everyone going way back died before turning thirty.” Tooru flops back down on the couch. “I bet my great, great, great, great grandfather pissed off a spirit or something.”

Hajime’s hands settle on one of Tooru’s knees, absentmindedly rubbing small circles into the tendon Tooru tore when they were teenagers. Or maybe he was doing it on purpose, trying to make Tooru feel better.

“You’re overthinking things, dumbass,” Hajime sighs.

“This is terrible bedside manner, Nurse Iwaizumi.” Tooru whines, “Besides, what if I’m not?”

Hajime rolls his eyes. “Fine, I’ll humor you, what if you’re not?”

Tooru throws an arm over his eyes and leans his head back. “I won’t get to see Tobio-chan go to high school, I won’t get to see him become a famous artist, I won’t get to say ‘I told you so’ when Tobio-chan is the one to confess his love first-”

“That will never happen.” Hajime interrupts. “Even if Tobio figures it out he is way too easily embarrassed to do anything about it.”

Tooru uncovers his eyes to point at Hajime, grinning smugly. “That only matters if Tobio-chan thinks it’s something to be embarrassed about. We both know that my precious cousin has no filter about most things, especially the things that have to do with Chibi-chan. I’m going to win and you’re going to be-”

Hajime pinches Tooru’s calf. It doesn’t really hurt but Tooru yelps dramatically anyway.

“Quiet down, asshole.” 

“So mean, Iwa-chan.”

Hajime sighs. “Because I know that you won’t fucking let this go, I promise that in the extremely unlikely event that you’re right-” 

Tooru gives an indignant “Hey!” but Hajime steamrolls right over him.

“- that I will take care of Tobio for you even though you should already fucking know I would do it even if I didn’t promise. Happy?”

Tooru smiles at Hajime. “Aw, Iwa-chan, you do care.”

Hajime pinches him again just in time for Tobio and Hinata to come out of Tobio’s room looking hopeful.

“Iwa-san? Welcome home.”

“Iwaizumi-san, you’re back. What’s for dinner?”

Tooru sniffles at Tobio dramatically. “Tobio-chan, you don’t welcome me home like that. Do you love Iwa-chan more than me?”

Hajime throws a pillow at him. 

Tooru doesn’t think about his impending death for the rest of the evening. They have a pretty tasty stir fry made from leftover steamed veggies and cheap pork and Hinata and Tobio try to get out of eating the veggies. Hajime won’t let them leave the table until they finish what’s on their plate and, like always, the kids give in pretty quickly. Hinata can’t stand to sit still and Tobio doesn’t like to disappoint adults.

After dinner Tooru beats both Hinata and Tobio at Super Smash Bros because he is the best. He lords it over their heads until Hajime points out that he’s being high and mighty for beating fourteen year olds at a video game, making it sound much less cool than it had seemed before. He mopes a little while Tobio and Hinata duel to see who’s second best. It turns out to be Hinata and Tobio glares at his hands like they’ve betrayed him while Hinata does his victory dance.

Hinata challenges Tooru to two-against-one and Tooru can’t resist beating his precious cousin and his precious cousin’s best friend. Tooru’s mood is restored and while Hinata and Tobio argue about whose fault their loss was Bokuto shows up to pick up Hinata on his way home from the restaurant. There’s a lot of shouting, because there’s always a lot of shouting when it’s Bokuto and Hinata, but eventually they leave.

After Hinata leaves Tobio does the homework he and Hinata were supposed to be doing that afternoon while the evening news plays. Then Tobio goes into his room to draw where it’s quiet, not to be heard from again until ten that night, when Hajime starts telling Tobio to turn off his light and go to bed every fifteen minutes until Tobio finally does it at eleven-thirty. 

All in all, a pretty normal evening in the Oikawa-Iwaizumi-Kageyama household.

It isn’t until Tooru is sliding into bed next to Hajime at ten minutes til midnight that he remembers his unfortunate situation. He almost brings it up to Hajime but the lamp casts the bags under Hajime’s eyes in darker shadow than normal and Hajime has another ten hour shift the next day so he decides to let his impending doom go for now. Hajime will never know the sacrifices Tooru makes for him.

…

Even though Hajime couldn’t have gotten more than six hours of sleep the night before he gives Tobio a ride to school on his way to work the next morning. Tooru hears Tobio asking if they can pick Hinata up on the way and resolves to have a talk with Tobio about asking so much of an already tired Hajime on work days, especially once Tooru isn’t alive anymore. He really would feel better about his impending doom if Tobio would take care of Hajime in return.

With the other two out of the house, though, Tooru’s quiet morning slowly starts to drive him mad. He doesn’t have to be at work until almost ten but he’s never been very good at sleeping through Hajime’s admittedly short morning routine so he’s got time to kill and he kills it by speculating on his death.

By the time Tooru parks at the local hardware store where he does the bookkeeping he’s trying to decide if he would be disappointed to die by car accident. More people die by car accident than anything else and he feels like it would be stupid for he, the great Oikawa Tooru, to die in such a boringly normal way. He wonders if he should start doing an extreme sport or something so that he has a better chance of dying in an interesting way.

Tooru is quickly distracted by work and then chores when he gets home at a quarter to five, and then Tobio and Hinata when they get home from school just after six. Hajime gets home at seven-thirty, like usual, and they have dinner and a little free time before Hinata goes home shortly followed by the usual routine of forced homework and gruff but gentle bedtime reminders. Tooru and Hajime finally get to bed around midnight, only to wake up the next day and do it all over again.

A few days pass like this and Tooru is no closer to dealing with his impending death than he was before.

…

Hajime has Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off. Tooru has told anyone who will listen for the past year that it’s just one benefit of Hajime being so good at his job.

Tobio is up early since he has to walk to school instead of hitch a ride with Hajime and his banging around the kitchen wakes Tooru up. Hajime is still dead to the world, like usual, since he can sleep through most things that aren’t his alarm or Tooru shaking him awake in a panic, like that one time Tobio fell off the kitchen counter and broke his arm when he was seven.

(He had wanted to make pancakes. It would have been cute as hell if it hadn’t scared Tooru half to death.)

Tooru rolls out of bed and rubs the sleep from his eyes with a nearly silent yawn. He grabs his glasses from his nightstand and makes a pit stop in their bathroom before heading to the kitchen, making sure to close the door quietly so that Hajime can catch up on the sleep he missed that week.

Tobio has burned his eggs. Tooru can smell it as soon as he leaves the bedroom and he almost rolls his eyes. That, at the very least, explains all the noise. For a skinny art nerd Tobio sure likes to slam objects around when he’s angry. Another thing he picked up from Hajime, Tooru supposes.

“Tobio-chan,” Tooru sing-songs softer than he normally would as he makes his way into the dining room where Tobio is giving his breakfast a look that is halfway between pissed off and determined.

“I promise I’ll eat it,” Tobio says before Tooru can comment, taking a bite of his rice and slightly burned egg as if to prove a point.

Tooru laughs and ruffles Tobio’s hair on his way past, ignoring the grumpy look he gets in response. “Of course you will. Try to keep it down though, Iwa-chan is sleeping.”

In the kitchen Tooru finds that Tobio made enough rice for five people. Tooru rinses the burned egg bits out of the pan so he can make his own, much better eggs. He’s just finishing up when Tobio comes back into the kitchen to wash his dishes. Tooru decides to eat leaning against the counter instead of taking his food into the dining room.

Tooru watches Tobio take imitation crab out of the fridge and hastily make himself some lopsided rice balls for lunch.

“Tobio-chan,” Tooru says halfway through Tobio’s process, “can you make me a promise?”

Tobio pauses for just a moment to shoot Tooru a concerned frown over his shoulder. He really does look grumpy all the time.

The kitchen is small enough that when Tobio doesn’t respond verbally Tooru can lean back and extend a leg forward to give Tobio’s calf a little nudge with his toes. “Tobio-chan,” he whines.

Tobio sighs but stops making his lunch and turns his body so he can give Tooru more of his attention. “What’s wrong?”

“You have to promise that if anything happens to me that you won’t let Iwa-chan work himself to death.”

Tobio looks startled. “Are you sick?”

Tooru leans forward a little, expression as serious as it can be. “Promise me, Tobio.”

Tobio is starting to look a little upset. His eyebrows are bunched together, his mouth is twisted down severely at the corners, and his eyes are narrow. He looks kinda like he wants to commit murder and then cry about it.

“Of course,” Tobio says, “but Niisan, what’s going to -” 

Tooru reaches out with his free hand and ruffles Tobio’s hair before he can finish his question. “Tobio-chan, my precious baby cousin, so grown up and still can’t make eggs,” he coos.

Tobio shoves at Tooru’s hand, his face getting more pinched instead of less. “Niisan, knock it off.” 

Tooru doesn’t. 

“You’re going to be late for Chibi-chan’s practice if you don’t finish your lunch soon,” he says as he continues to mess up Tobio’s hair as much as possible.

“Stop it!”

“Stop what, Tobio-chan?”

“Niisan!”

“Would you two shut the fuck up?”

Tooru and Tobio both freeze at the sound of Hajime’s half-asleep, rage-filled shout from the bedroom. Tooru hadn’t even realized that he and Tobio had been getting louder and louder. He feels like a terrible boyfriend.

Hajime rounds the corner to the hall looking very grumpy. 

Tobio’s eyes go a little wide and he grabs the few rice balls he’s finished and shoves them hastily into his bento. “I’m gonna be late.”

Tooru can’t help but admire the patch of hair on the top of Tobio’s head that is sticking up at awkward angles. Mission accomplished.

Since Tobio is going to be upset with Tooru when Hinata laughs at his hair Tooru takes it upon himself to be the perfect distraction. It’s like payment for the embarrassment his baby cousin will endure at school later that day.

“Iwa-chan!” He sing-songs, sliding right into Hajime’s space. “You’re awake.”

Hajime’s eye twitches. “Obviously.”

“That’s wonderful, Iwa-chan, because now you can pay attention to me before I have to go to work.” Tooru slides an arm around Hajime’s waist and nuzzles his way into that patch behind Hajime’s ear that earns him forgiveness every time. Hajime’s stiff posture softens a little even if he doesn’t embrace Tooru back.

“In the walkway?” Tobio despairs somewhere behind Tooru, anxious to get out of the house and to the school so he can watch the gymnastics practice and draw Hinata in tight clothes tumbling through the air.

Yeah, Tooru knows what the majority of Tobio’s sketchbooks are filled with. Someday his precious cousin will realize how gay that is.

Tooru drags his teeth over Hajime’s skin because he loves his cousin more than anyone else in the world but it’s just plain fun to torture him. Hajime shivers in response, his hands finding their way to Tooru’s hips. Tooru follows his teeth with his tongue and Hajime’s fingers tighten. That’s all the warning Tooru gets before Hajime is lifting him into the air.

Tooru can’t help himself, he squeals a little bit, clutching at Hajime’s shoulders and wrapping his legs around Hajime’s waist for support. “Iwa-chan!”

Hajime moves them out of the walkway and Tooru pulls his face out of Hajime’s neck to watch Tobio rush past them and towards the door.

“I hate Fridays,” Tooru hears Tobio mutter.

“You love us, Tobio-chan,” Tooru calls after him, craning his neck to keep Tobio in view.

Tobio rolls his eyes but there’s a tiny smile at the corner of his mouth when he glances back at them. “No.”

“Tobio-chan!”

Hajime pinches Tooru on the ass. It’s probably to shut him up but Tooru gives an over dramatized moan just for Tobio’s benefit. Tobio goes scarlet and out of the corner of his eye Tooru is pretty sure Hajime does too.

“Have a good day at school, Tobio,” Hajime says before Tooru can continue to harass his baby cousin.

Tobio is too busy sliding into his shoes as fast as humanly possible to reply and he’s out the door before Tooru can say anything else.

“You’re terrible,” Hajime says flatly when Tooru looks back at him.

“But Iwa-chan,” Tooru whines, leaning forward to drape himself more fully across Hajime’s muscled torso and lay his head on Hajime’s sculpted shoulder, “I miss you during the week when you’re working so hard.”

Hajime gives an exasperated sigh, his thumbs absentmindedly stroking the tops of Tooru’s thighs. It’s kinda funny because Tooru doesn’t even remember Hajime repositioning his hands to cradle Tooru’s legs but he supposes it was before the pinching. Right in front of Tooru’s face is the column of Hajime’s throat and he decides to lean forward and bite at it a little. Hajime’s thumbs still and his grip on Tooru’s thighs tightens.

Tooru nibbles his way up to that perfect spot and gives it a good suck.

“Tooru.” Hajime’s voice has gone gravelly, his tone somewhere between warning and too turned on to tell Tooru off.

“Hajime,” Tooru whispers back against his neck.

Hajime turns his head slightly, his stubble scratching against the side of Tooru’s face. “You’re the worst.”

Tooru cheats a little and scrapes his teeth against the shell of Hajime’s ear when he replies, “You love me.”

Hajime shivers again and Tooru feels him start to walk them back towards their bedroom.

“I do.”

…

Theoretically, Saturdays should be the best day ever for Tooru. Unless Tooru has gotten really behind with his work during the week, which he almost never does, he gets Saturdays off. He also gets Sundays off, mostly because banks are closed on Sundays so Mr. Higowara doesn’t see the point in paying Tooru to write up statements and balance accounts that Tooru can’t even access to double check. But Sundays don’t matter because Saturdays are the first day that Tooru, Hajime, and Tobio all have off so that should be the day that they spend relaxing or doing family activities.

Of course, that’s not what happens.

It’s Hinata’s first official meet of the year and of course Tobio wants to go and support his best friend just like every other meet Hinata has ever done. Tobio insists that since this is their last year in middle school all of the meets that Hinata does this year are important but he said the same thing about the importance of every meet Hinata did last year, except with different reasoning for why. The real reason is obvious when Tobio makes sure to carefully pack four backup pencils next to his sketchbook.

Tooru supposes that it’s like a family activity. Sort of.

They pack bentos so that they don’t have to pay ridiculous prices at the food carts for lunch and head to the Sendai Athletics Stadium Complex with Tobio because Tooru and Hajime make a point to support Tobio’s interests even if his interests are watching other boys his age do terrifying feats of athleticism in mid-air and/or while balancing on a beam.

When they get there Tobio excitedly leads them to a spot in the bleachers with a perfect view of the vault, balance beam, high bar, and a decent view of the floor. All of Hinata’s best events, of course. It isn’t exactly a surprise that they find Bokuto and Akaashi already there.

“Hey, hey, hey, Tobio-kun. You made it.” Bokuto jumps up to wave at them, all big movements just like Hinata. Akaashi pulls him back down to a seated position before he runs over and does something terrible like hugs them.

“Of course he made it,” Tooru scoffs to Hajime, not bothering to keep his voice low. “As if Tobio-chan would ever willingly miss one of Chibi-chan’s meets.”

Hajime flicks Tooru in the shoulder for being rude where other people can hear him. Bokuto doesn’t seem to notice.

“That’s why Shou is so lucky to have a friend like Tobio-kun, right Keiji?” Bokuto looks to Akaashi with hearts practically floating in his eyes, completely unaware of the pink on Tobio’s face. 

Akaashi, of course, is completely underwhelmed by Bokuto. Probably. Tooru honestly has a hard time reading Akaashi, not that he would ever admit that out loud. After eight years of Tobio and Hinata’s friendship Tooru can at least read Akaashi with 75% accuracy, which is the same thing as being able to read him. Kinda.

“Of course, Koutarou,” Akaashi says, patting Bokuto on the knee.

Tobio gives a little respectful bow. Tooru wonders who hardwired a healthy respect for all adults regardless of if they deserve it or not into that kid because he sure didn’t. “Thank you, Bokuto-san, Akaashi-sensei. May we sit here?”

Tooru isn’t sure why he’s asking. They always sit with Hinata’s parents at these events.

“Of course, Tobio-kun,” Bokuto says, arms thrown wide as though he expects Tobio to give a cheer and throw himself at him like a wild child. Tooru holds back another scoff. Tobio may have picked up some of Hajime’s temperament from a childhood of watching him pick on Tooru but Tobio would never do something so embarrassing. 

Tobio takes a seat next to Akaashi because even though Tobio is oblivious as hell he isn’t stupid enough to sit next to Bokuto. It’s also worth noting that he kind-of hero worships Akaashi because Akaashi is a photography professor at the local college and photography is a type of art, or so says Tobio. Tooru sits next to Tobio and listens while Tobio eagerly shows Akaashi different drawings in his sketchbook and asks questions about things like lighting and balance. Akaashi gives Tobio his full attention and what sounds like good advice to Tooru even though Tooru has no idea what makes up good advice in art.

Bokuto, of course, takes advantage of Akaashi’s distraction to jump down to the row in front of them and come bug Hajime. Tooru will never understand how a man six years older than him has so much energy. Tooru’s only twenty-nine and if he didn’t know better he would think he was dying of old age. 

Maybe he is dying of old age? Is that possible at twenty-nine? Maybe it’s some rare aging disease? He’ll have to ask Hajime later.

Hajime and Bokuto talk about the importance of cleanliness in a restaurant setting. Well, Bokuto excitedly commiserates with someone else who cares while Hajime keeps up. Of course, Hajime may look grumpy but with everyone who isn’t Tooru he is willing to put up with a surprising amount. With Tooru Hajime is too relaxed to bother being polite. That’s how Tooru knows that Hajime loves him.

Instead of trying to pretend that he cares about foodborne illness Tooru watches as Tobio uses the back of one of the pages of his sketchbook to notate the answers to some of his art questions.

“Predicting lighting on hair in photography has a lot to do with it’s texture,” Akaashi says to Tobio in response to a question. “Shouyou’s hair has natural curl to it, which diffuses the light and gives it less of a uniform look. If you look at Oikawa-san’s hair you can see that the reflection of light is more smooth when the hair all lays the same way.”

Tobio turns to look at Tooru, or more accurately his hair, and makes a sound of realization.

“My hair is naturally this shiny and smooth,” Tooru says, flashing the peace sign and striking a pose that his instagram followers love. “It’s the sign of healthy hair.”

“You spend like a half hour in the bathroom every morning, Niisan.” Tobio sounds confused. “Otherwise your bangs don’t split like that and-” Tooru covers Tobio’s mouth before he can spill any more beauty secrets.

“Don’t listen to him, Tired Owl-sensei.” 

Akaashi gives a slow blink at the nickname, as if he forgot that Tooru calls him that in the five months since they last saw each other. Either that or he’s shocked by Tooru’s use of force to protect his reputation. It’s probably the nickname though. No one who knows Tooru at all would be surprised that he would protect his reputation.

“Sure, Oikawa-san,” Akaashi says but Tooru feels like he’s being humored.

Tobio is used to Tooru so he just kinda sits there with squinty eyes until Tooru moves his hand.

“Niisan,” Tobio says as soon as he can talk again, “can I practice drawing your hair before and after you do it so I can practice different textures?”

Tooru slouches in his chair dramatically. Tobio is used to Tooru which also means he’s immune to him. What Tooru would give for a more socially conscientious cousin.

Actually, no. Tooru wouldn’t give up Tobio for the world. 

“Tobio-chan, why do you have to break my heart like this?”

“Is that a yes?”

Before Tooru is forced to admit in front of other people that yes, of course Tobio can draw him to practice, and that yes, he can document Tooru’s less than perfect moments in the interests of cultivating his insane talent, Bokuto gives a loud shout of triumph.

Tooru looks over to see Bokuto give himself a running start to leap into Kuroo Tetsurou’s arms, nearly killing them both in the process. Kuroo’s unfairly tall son sidesteps the trainwreck with a look of distaste on his face, subtly herding little Yamaguchi away from Kuroo and Bokuto’s antics. Kozume brings up the rear of the group, computer bag over one shoulder and not meeting anyone’s eyes.

“Where’s Yachi?” Tobio asks as a greeting to his other friends, the ones he doesn’t like as much as he like Hinata.

“She had to go to a family reunion. She says to tell Shouyou good luck from her,” Yamaguchi says from where he clings to Tsukishima.

Tobio grunts in response and Tooru ruffles Tobio’s hair. “Come on Tobio-chan, use your words. You don’t wanna be like Iwa-chan.”

“Hey!” Hajime snaps but he’s cut off by Bokuto loudly exclaiming that the events are about to start. 

Tobio is immediately distracted by the promise of boys performing neat flips for him to sketch. Tooru wants so badly to be there for the moment Tobio realizes how gay he is. It’s sure to be hilarious. It’s too bad the chances of Tobio figuring it out in the next two months are slim to none.

Hinata ends up taking first place in vault because no one in the universe can jump like that kid can and he’s finally getting really good at all those flips he does. He also takes third in floor because impossible reserves of energy make for a very impressive routine even if it’s not as technically polished as some of the other kids’. His team doesn’t place, though they will find out later that they came in fourth.

Tooru is a little worried by how well Hinata and his team are doing this year. If Hinata does too well in the June meet then he will qualify to go to nationals in July and Tooru and Hajime will somehow have to swing for a weekend in Tokyo so that Tobio can watch Hinata compete, because Tobio has been telling Tooru and Hajime that someday Hinata will go to nationals for years and there’s no way he’d miss it.

...

Nothing out of the ordinary happens and the entire middle of May just flies right by. Pretty soon Sakimura at the hardware store is asking how old Hajime will be turning in June and Tooru is panicking because he has to contact all of Hajime’s old college friends that he sees once every two weeks so he can plan Hajime’s thirtieth birthday party and Tooru hasn’t thought about his impending death more than a handful of times since the beginning of the month.

He must not school his expression in time because Sakimura asks him what's wrong and Tooru ends up telling him about the family curse. It ends up being the worst or best possible choice Tooru could have ever made, depending on your perspective. He’s pretty sure Hajime is going to think it’s the worst but Tooru would much rather know these things than not.

It goes like this;

“And that’s the curse.”

“Scary, Oikawa-san. It’s like a horror movie. No one’s safe.”

“What do you mean by that, Kimu-kun?”

“Well, it sounds like it kills everyone around. You should try going to a shrine to get rid of it before it’s too late.”

Then Sakimura’s break ended.

Tooru is absolutely horrified to realize that he hadn’t noticed that the people around him are going to die. He is putting Hajime and Tobio in danger.

Once Tooru’s brain comes back online after that startling realization he immediately heads to Mr. Higowara’s office and feigns ill. He must look pretty pathetic because it takes next to zero convincing for Mr. Higowara to give him the rest of the day off. Tooru chooses to take that as a sign of his fantastic acting skills.

Once he has the day off though he’s not entirely sure what he’s supposed to do. Should he go hide in the mountains until he dies so that Tobio and Hajime are safe? He can’t do that because the spring art show is next Friday and Tobio would be heartbroken if he didn’t go. He knows that Tobio is a ridiculously good artist for a middle schooler and he always enjoys watching the other kids’ parents’ faces as they realize that their child will never beat Tobio.

Never let it be said that Oikawa Tooru doesn’t love winning and when Tobio wins it’s kinda like Tooru’s winning. He’s winning vicariously through Tobio. It’s a system.

Not that there’s any judging at the middle school art show. It’s just a way for the students to show off their artworks to their parents in case their parents are too busy to pay attention. Still, it feels like winning when he gets to see Tobio’s carefully sketched and painted works of Hinata flying through the air or Hajime sleeping on the couch hanging next to cartoonish colored pencil drawings of cats and blobby paintings of flowers.

Basically, there is no way that Tooru is missing Tobio’s art show on Friday. And just two short weeks after that is Hajime’s birthday. Tooru has plans to wake Hajime up with some birthday sex so he can’t skip that. Plus he has a to plan a fantastic party with all of Hajime’s old college friends and some of Hajime’s coworkers.

So running away isn’t an option for the foreseeable future.

Tooru sits in his car in the parking lot and thinks really hard and decides that if it is a curse going to a shrine might not be a bad idea.

…

After visiting the shrine and getting rid of the curse Tooru feels great. He feels great through the rest of the week. He feels great when he goes to the art show the next week and gets to lord over the other parents about how talented Tobio is, even if Hajime suckerpunches him in the side to get him to stop being too high and mighty a few times. He throws an amazing party on the tenth for Hajime, who is pleasantly surprised to have his favorite expensive beer available for his birthday, among other things. He even feels great when Hinata takes first in the vault again the next weekend, cementing his place in the vault event at the July nationals. Tobio is practically vibrating with his joy and Tooru is feeling great enough that he tells Tobio that they will find a way to let him go to Tokyo.

Basically, the first half of June is amazing and that makes the second half that much worse.

First, a pallet of weed wackers nearly falls on him at work. Tooru assures the new guy that accidents happen and tells him to be more careful, all while making sure that no one else noticed that he screamed.

Then, a few days later while making a short appearance at Hinata’s birthday party he’s accidentally pushed from behind by a rambunctious teenager and is nearly impaled on one of Bokuto’s fancy appliances that are far too sharp to be left out like that. Only Hajime’s quick reflexes save him from losing an eye and possibly his brain. Hajime’s angry face nearly makes the kid cry when he turns to apologize so Tooru forgives him.

A few days after that he and Hajime are nearly run over by someone speeding through the parking lot of the grocery store. This time Tooru is the one who notices first and pulls Hajime back just in time to avoid becoming roadkill.

There’s an uncomfortable feeling in Tooru’s gut that he refuses to look too closely at. It becomes impossible to ignore on the last Friday of June.

Tobio is spending the night at Hinata’s house. This isn’t an uncommon occurrence. It feels like Hinata is over most weekdays but usually the boys have their sleepovers at Hinata’s place, especially if Tsukishima and Yamaguchi are involved. As Tobio puts it, he doesn’t want those assholes knowing where he lives. Tooru doesn’t point out that those assholes used to come over after school sometimes in Tobio’s early days of elementary school. It’s better to let Tobio do these social things at his own pace.

So Hajime and Tooru make a nice dinner and enjoy having a night to themselves. There’s laughter, there’s cursing, there’s the promise of some pretty good sex later. It’s a lovely night that should be the representation of how Tooru has been feeling since he went to the shrine but, of course, it is ruined pretty early on.

Tooru is happily munching on tofu as Hajime tells a story from work about the new hire being obtuse. He finishes quoting her and then makes a facial expression to fully communicate his feelings on her idiocy. Something about the way Hajime’s eyes go slightly wide and his head tips slightly to the side while his mouth remains perfectly neutral causes Tooru to laugh. It looks exactly how Tooru always expects Hajime to feel on the inside when he makes that slightly stunned expression because he’s too nice to say the scathing thing Tooru would have said. Everything would have been fine except there is tofu that has just passed Tooru’s lips that gets caught up in the way he takes a deep breath in to laugh.

The next thing Tooru knows he’s choking, or more accurately he’s not breathing. He’s trying so desperately to finish taking that deep breath in but nothing is coming and Hajime’s face is swimming. Oddly, his expression of shock and concern is perfectly clear even though Tooru could swear that he can’t see Hajime at all.

Tooru is gripping the table and trying to breath and there are arms around him and someone is yelling his name. He feels like he’s being squeezed, crushed by the weight of the breath he’s trying to take.

Then, suddenly something is ripped out of his throat and he can take painful breaths in and out. Tooru gulps air and tries to cough, to clear the feeling of something in his throat, but instead he’s being tilted forward so he can throw up all over their nice dinner.

It’s absolutely disgusting. Tooru hates puke so much. 

His body finishes trying to rid itself of everything that could possibly be in the way of his breathing a few seconds later. There’s still a strong arm around his hips holding him up and a hand on his back rubbing soothing circles. Tooru tries to push himself away from the table, nice dinner now thoroughly ruined, but his legs feel unsteady. The smooth circles stop and something wipes at his mouth before Hajime pulls him back and they somehow end up on the floor.

One of Hajime’s legs are on each side of Tooru’s body and Hajime’s muscled chest is a solid place for Tooru to lean on behind him. Hajime pushes his perpetually stubbly cheek into the side of Tooru’s face.

Tooru realizes that Hajime is muttering, “I’ve got you,” over and over again. 

He coughs a little and Hajime goes quiet. 

“You saved me.”

“Of course.”

“I’m cursed, Iwa-chan,” Tooru sighs. It’s amazing how near death experiences can exhaust someone. Tooru must have locked all his muscles up because his knee is killing him.

“Trashykawa. Don’t say that,” Hajime says, but there isn’t any heat to it.

Tooru frowns and turns his head slightly, the feeling of Hajime’s stubble sliding against his skin is reassuring but not reassuring enough. “You saved me this time, what if the curse decides to try to kill you too next time so you can’t?”

Hajime’s arms tighten slightly around Tooru’s middle but he doesn’t reply. Tooru sighs and lets his head fall back against Hajime’s shoulder. He stares blearily at the ceiling, his eyelids feeling heavy. He’s starting to think that he might just nod off like that, sitting on the dining room floor with a huge mess on the table that still needs to be cleaned up, when Hajime nudges at Tooru’s cheek with his nose.

“Don’t do anything stupid, Tooru.”

“Stupid?” Tooru wonders aloud.

“More stupid than normal,” Hajime amends, as if that answers the question Tooru is asking. 

“Iwa-chan,” Tooru starts, and then yawns before continuing. “So mean.”

…

After that Hajime hovers. All weekend it feels like Tooru can’t turn around without bumping into Hajime. Tooru wants to feel vindicated that it seems like Hajime is finally taking his curse more seriously but really he just feels sad.

He’s good at hiding his sadness though. He always has been. Of course, it’s never worked on Hajime but Tooru tries anyway. He catches Hajime giving him a pinched look when he thinks Tooru’s not looking more than once.

Tobio gets dropped off by a very helpful Akaashi during the middle of the day Saturday after Hajime has a hushed phone conversation while Tooru cooks lunch. Tobio looks confused but not upset and he doesn’t get all up in arms about Tooru not coming to pick him up like Tooru normally does. He does eye Hajime and Tooru for a minute like he’s trying to figure them out and Tooru almost cheers at the prospect that Tobio will grow some social awareness but after a moment Tobio just shrugs and asks if he can use the TV.

Hajime’s hovering and Tobio’s apparent inability to catch the dreary mood that has descended on the house make it even more clear that something is happening Monday morning when Tooru wakes up only to find that Hajime isn’t in the bedroom. This isn’t abnormal except that Hajime is also not in the shower so Tooru grabs his glasses and sneaks out of the bedroom like a little kid, careful to open the door as quietly as possible.

Tooru can hear Tobio and Hajime in the dining room talking. The angle of the hallway means that Tooru can hear them clearly without being able to see the room at all.

“-told me that if anything happens to him I have to take care of you.” Tobio is saying and he sounds upset. It’s not his normal shouting but the much rarer hurt sounding voice.

There’s an irritated sigh that Tooru would know anywhere as Hajime. “Tooru’s not really in a good place right now, Tobio.”

After a moment of silence Tobio speaks in a quiet voice. “Is he sick?”

“I don’t think so but I’m gonna take him to the doctor today just to be sure.”

Tooru pulls a face even though no one can see it. He hates doctors, all medical professionals in general. Hajime is the exception. Tooru could never hate Hajime.

“He’s not gonna like that,” Tobio says grimly, because he knows Tooru well.

“I know,” Hajime says, “but there’s not much else I can think to do.”

“If he’s cursed does that mean I’m cursed too?”

How is it that Tobio, the idiot of their family, is quicker on the uptake then Tooru? How did it not occur to Tooru that he and Tobio were related by blood and that Tobio is under the same curse?

“He’s not cursed.” Hajime sounds tired.

“Really?” Tobio sounds skeptical because even though he absorbed a lot of Hajime’s habits over the years he is still Tooru’s precious little cousin and if Tooru believes in aliens and ghosts and curses then so does Tobio. Tooru grins because he can imagine the look that Hajime is casting to the sky right now, as if asking for strength.

“Neither of you are cursed,” Hajime grumbles.

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m fucking sure.”

“But what if we are cursed, Iwa-san?”

Hajime groans. It sounds like he’s buried his face in his hands.

“Tobio, if Tooru dies in the next three weeks then we can talk about your stupid curse again.”

“Okay,” Tobio agrees easily. Then; “What do I do if something bad happens to Niisan and you aren’t around?”

“I know I taught you how to call 119.”

“Yeah,” Tobio says slowly.

“Do that.”

“Oh.”

Tobio must be making a good face, probably that one where he scrunches up his nose in thought, because Hajime huffs a laugh.

“Go finish getting ready for school and I’ll give you a ride so that you aren’t too late.”

“Okay,” Tobio says easily and there’s the sound of Tobio’s feet on the floor. Tooru jumps with the realization that he’s gonna get caught but Hajime calls Tobio back.

“Don’t worry about your cousin,” Hajime says as Tooru sneaks back into the bedroom, “I’ll make sure he’s okay. We will even have a big party for him for his birthday.”

Tobio says something back but Tooru is too busy closing the door as quietly as possible to hear him clearly.

Even though Tooru knows that Hajime has made up his mind about the doctor he still throws a fit about being made to go like a little kid. Hajime insists it’s to make sure that there’s no lingering damage from the choking but Tooru would have known that was a lie even if he hadn’t eavesdropped on Hajime and Tobio’s conversation that morning.

Surprise, there’s nothing visibly wrong with him. He overworked his knee a bit when all his muscles locked up but it’s nothing a nightly routine of ice and Hajime’s massages can’t soothe. Hajime looks a little lost when they get in the car to go home afterwards, like he was sure Tooru was just feeling a little sick and being over dramatic about it. They don’t talk the entire drive home, Hajime watching the road and thinking hard while Tooru just watches him do it.

…

The next morning Hajime is still wearing his pajamas when Tooru gets up. It’s obvious by the way Hajime lounges on the couch while watching the TV on mute with glazed over eyes that he’s not planning on going to work that day. In the kitchen Tobio bangs around pots and pans and curses loudly as background noise, probably burning his eggs again.

Tooru settles down next to Hajime on the couch and Hajime immediately leans over to put his head on Tooru’s shoulder. Tooru cards his fingers though Hajime’s drooping hair.

“We should go get haircuts soon,” Tooru says to the room at large even though the only one there to hear him is Hajime. “Tobio’s hair is starting to tuck behind his ears and it looks funny.”

Hajime hums in a way that sounds like it could be agreement.

They sit there for a few minutes, listening to Tobio swear and slam things around in the kitchen. He’s being more vehement about it than usual and Tooru wonders if he and Hajime had another talk that morning. Tooru should probably go in there and stop Tobio from breaking his kitchen but Hajime is soft and warm where he leans against Tooru and Tobio probably won’t destroy anything for real.

“You should probably go to work today,” Tooru finally says.

“Nope,” Hajime replies, his voice steady, “I have plenty of sick days saved up.”

“You should keep saving them.”

“What for? I’m not going to need them because you’re gonna be fine.”

Hajime sounds pissed. He’s using that quiet voice he only ever uses when he’s truly upset and Tooru falls silent. Instead of speaking he just keeps pushing his fingers through Hajime’s hair. It’s only after he stops talking that Tooru notices that the kitchen has fallen suspiciously silent in the few seconds their exchange took.

“I think Tobio broke something,” He says softly to Hajime, a peace offering of a subject change. Hajime grunts in response and Tooru takes that as permission to continue. “I hope it wasn’t anything expensive.”

“If it’s too expensive we’ll just cancel the trip to Tokyo next week and he’ll only have himself to blame.” Hajime says before turning his face into Tooru’s collarbone. Tooru chuckles softly and massages Hajime’s scalp, earning himself a low hum in response.

Not even a minute later Tobio pokes his head into the room. His face is red and he won’t meet Tooru’s eyes. His mouth is doing that thing it does sometimes where it looks like he’s trying to stop himself from screaming by pushing his lips closed really tightly.

“Tobio-chan,” Tooru sings at his cousin causing Hajime to lift his head, “Why is your face so red?”

Tobio very slowly lifts the frying pan into view, except that it’s just the handle of the frying pan. The frying pan is nowhere to be seen.

He looks so tortured that Tooru can’t stop himself from laughing out loud even as Hajime groans out, “Dammit Tobio.”

…

It takes Tooru all day to convince Hajime to go to work again. Tooru goes back and forth between strategic whining and being subtle and by dinner Hajime agrees to go to work if only to get away from the looks Tooru keeps sending his way. Tooru doesn’t want Hajime to blow his time off yet. If Tooru dies Hajime will need his time off for Tobio.

Less than a week later Tooru is at the grocery store grabbing some last minute snack items for the drive to Tokyo because Tobio and Hinata ate all the chips while he wasn’t paying attention when he runs into Ushijima Wakatoshi, the high school rival he never beat.

Tooru knew it was inevitable. Even though Ushijima went on to play volleyball at an internationally ranked university in Tokyo his parents still lived in their small town. There was no way that he stopped coming home and running into him was always bound to happen. Tooru couldn’t help but wonder why the universe couldn’t have waited two more weeks for Ushijima to come home so that he would miss Tooru completely.

“Oikawa,” Ushijima says, politely surprised.

“Ushiwaka,” Tooru grumbles, impolitely surprised.

“Have you been well?” The world’s most frustrating goody-two shoes asks.

Tooru grits his teeth. “About as well as can be expected, considering my current circumstances.”

Ushijima looks like he wants to tilt his head to the side in question but can’t quite bring himself to. “What circumstances are those?”

“None of your business.”

“I see.”

There’s an awkward moment where Ushijima is too polite to just walk away and Tooru is too vindictive to give Ushijima an out from an uncomfortable situation even if Tooru has to suffer to keep it uncomfortable.

“I’m afraid we never played you in college,” Ushijima says after the moment with the air of a man giving an embarrassing confession. 

Tooru scoffs. “I had to drop out of school to take care of my cousin, so you wouldn’t have seen me.”

“I see.” Ushijima frowns.

Tooru thinks that this entire situation is ridiculous so he turns without a word and starts to head down the cereal aisle just to get away from Ushijima, completely bypassing all polite ways of ending conversation. Then he hears it.

“It’s a shame that you had to throw away such promising talent for your cousin.”

Part of Tooru knows that Ushijima doesn’t mean anything by this statement except that he acknowledges Tooru’s talent and hard work and the frustration of losing all of that to his more adult responsibilities. The other, louder part fueled by the frustration of being second best at something he worked hard at and a love of his cousin makes him turn back around to face Ushijima.

“What did you say?”

This time Ushijima does tilt his head to the side, obviously confused. “I was remarking that it’s a pity that you threw away the possibility of a career.”

Tooru thinks that he’s completely justified for the punch he throws.

Unfortunately, Ushijima’s jaw is solid and Tooru has absolutely no experience throwing punches. It hurts like a bitch. Tooru cradles his useless hand and Ushijima cradles his stupid face with wide eyes fixed on Tooru, completely speechless.

“Tobio is not a shame or a pity or a waste,” Tooru spits, “and neither was Aoba Johsai.”

Before Ushijima can gather his wits Tooru stalks out still cradling his hand with his groceries forgotten on the floor.

Tooru is in his car when he realizes that his hand doesn’t just hurt, it throbs in agony along with his heartbeat. He groans and cradles his hand to his chest while digging around in his pocket for his phone. Hajime is going to kill him when he finds out what he’s done.

It turns out that Tooru’s hand is broken because apparently experienced punch-throwers don’t tuck their thumb in when they make a fist. Hajime is furious and Tooru has a cast for six weeks, or at least until he dies, which is why they end up taking Hajime’s car to Tokyo instead of Tooru’s.

…

“I don’t want a birthday party,” Tooru says to Hajime in the darkness of the Tokyo hotel room, Tobio snoring softly on the next bed over.

Hajime rolls over to face him. Tooru can see the outline of him out of the corner of his eye but he doesn’t turn his head.

“Why?”

Tooru shrugs a little. “I don’t want you to have to cancel it when I die next week.”

“You’re not dying, Trashykawa.” Hajime’s hand touches Tooru’s unbroken one under the covers and Tooru lets their fingers tangle together.

“Iwa-chan, your nicknames are so mean,” Tooru replies. Hajime squeezes Tooru’s hand. Tobio rolls over in his sleep making grumbling noises.

There’s silence in the room except for more of Tobio’s snores and the air conditioner buzzing. After a few moments Hajime tugs lightly on Tooru’s hand.

“Come here.”

Tooru rolls himself toward Hajime and is wrapped in Hajime’s arms. Tooru loves Hajime’s arms. They’re well shaped and solid with muscle, like the rest of him. He loves Hajime’s face too, even when it’s scowling for seemingly no reason. He loves Hajime’s hair, how it sticks up and looks rough even though it’s soft. He loves Hajime’s voice, deep with just the right amount of roughness. He loves Hajime’s sense of humor and all their old inside jokes and the trust they have built and the way Hajime is kind to others even when he doesn’t want to be.

He’s going to miss Hajime when he’s dead, Tooru realizes.

Tooru would like to think that he’s been dealing with his impending death pretty well, like a champ really, but for some reason being held by Hajime’s strong arms in a hotel room in Tokyo with the little cousin he rearranged his future to raise sleeping next to them makes Tooru finally break down.

He cries, trying to muffle his sobs so that Tobio can keep sleeping. 

“I love you, Tooru,” Hajime whispers to him. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

Tooru cries himself to sleep like that and wakes up with a kink in his neck from the way Hajime’s bicep was jammed under his pillow.

…

Hinata does not win nationals. He doesn’t even place. There are too many talented kids from across Japan. Tobio bitterly complains that none of them have Hinata’s jump or natural athleticism and that someday Hinata will beat them all. Tooru is proud of that kind of vehement loyalty in his baby cousin. Hajime tells him that he shouldn’t be but Tooru doesn’t really see the problem. After all, he’s pretty sure Tobio learned it from Tooru.

When they get back there is only a week until Tooru’s birthday. Tooru suddenly feels like he didn’t do enough in the last few months to make sure that Tobio and Hajime are okay after the curse takes him but he can’t for the life of him think of anything else that he can do.

Time passes without Tooru doing a single thing besides pretending he doesn’t see Hajime and Tobio watching him. Suddenly, Tooru is waking up on the morning of his birthday with the sudden clarity of someone who just remembered something important that they had forgotten.

It’s a Friday, so Hajime is still asleep. He doesn’t hear the slamming of pots and pans so if Tobio is up he isn’t burning his breakfast. Tooru slides out of bed like he does every morning, except with the knowledge that he’s going to die. He grabs his glasses and cellphone from his bedside table and sneaks out of their bedroom, making sure to watch where he’s going. Dying from a broken neck because he tripped and fell in his own hallway would be embarrassing. Oikawa Tooru has standards.

He peers into the dining room and kitchen to find the house eerily quiet. The clock says that Tobio should be eating his breakfast so that he can make it to the school on time to watch Hinata’s gymnastics practice but no one but Tooru is up. Tooru makes his way over to Tobio’s room and knocks on the door.

“Tobio-chan, are you awake?”

“Yes,” Tobio responds through the door.

Tooru frowns. “Are you not feeling well? I’m coming in so make sure you’re decent.”

Tooru waits for Tobio’s response of “I’m fine” before he opens the door.

Tobio’s bedside lamp is on and he’s sitting on his bed in his pajamas. He doesn’t look sick, just grumpy which is pretty normal for him. Tooru crosses the room and sits down on Tobio’s bed.

“Are you sick?”

“Yes,” Tobio says, frowning at his comforter instead of Tooru. “No.”

Tooru almost laughs. “Well, which is it?”

Tobio bites his lip. “I wouldn’t be any good at school today so I don’t wanna go.”

Tooru reaches out and ruffles Tobio’s hair, earning himself a glare. He really should insist on Tobio going to school even if he doesn’t feel like it but Tooru wants to be selfish. It’s both his birthday and his deathday, so he thinks he’s entitled to being a little selfish.

“If I let you stay home you have to promise me you’ll go to school without a complaint on Monday.”

Tobio nods, his mouth pinching and his eyes lighting up in what passes for a smile in Tobio’s everyday life. Tooru stands up and gestures for Tobio to follow him.

“Okay, then come help me make Iwa-chan some breakfast.”

So they do. They make Hajime breakfast and he is angry when he wakes up because apparently he had planned to make Tooru breakfast. They tease and banter, Tooru beats them both at Mario Kart and Super Smash Bros. He lies on the phone to the school that Tobio is sick because Hajime refuses to do it. He takes several birthday selfies and gets several tens of thousands of likes on each one. They have dinner out at his favorite restaurant and milkbread when they get home and he doesn’t choke and die.

It's a disturbingly normal birthday. Tooru waits all day for the other shoe to drop.

He’s still waiting when Tobio presents him a beautifully painted picture of himself and Hajime for his birthday. He’s still waiting when Hajime makes him lose his breath that night after Tobio has gone to bed. He’s still waiting when he wakes up the next morning, alive and well and being spooned by a snoring Hajime.

Tooru sits up, for once not caring if he wakes Hajime up. Hajime curses him out but Tooru is too busy pinching himself and grabbing his glasses to make sure that he’s really in his bedroom and not in heaven.

“I’m not dead.” He says.

“What was that?”

“I’m not dead, Iwa-chan, I’m not dead!”

Hajime scowls at him. “Of course you’re not dead, you dumbass. I told you you’d be fine.”

Tooru points at Hajime accusingly. “You totally believed I was cursed too, don’t lie Iwa-chan.”

Hajime glares at the wall instead of Tooru, a light dusting of pink on his cheeks. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Tooru launches himself onto Hajime, enveloping him in a hug. “It’s okay, Iwa-chan, you don’t have to be embarrassed.”

“Get off of me you asshole.”

Their door suddenly slams open and Tobio comes running in, a full real smile on his face

“Niisan, you’re alive!”

“Of course I’m alive,” Tooru says, releasing Hajime to sweep his hair back from his face artfully. “Your Niisama is too great for any curse to take him. I wasn’t worried.”

“You’ve been going on about it for months you liar,” Hajime snarls, shoving him over by the side of his head.

Tooru lets himself fall onto the bed. “Iwa-chan, so rude.”

Then suddenly Tooru’s space is being invaded by Tobio, a boy who grew out of casual touching when he was eight. Tobio hugs him and Tooru feels a little bad for worrying him. He hugs him back.

“But what about the curse?” Tobio asks them after he pulls away, his face serious.

Hajime rolls his eyes next to Tooru. “There was no curse, Tobio.”

Tobio looks to Tooru for confirmation because as much as he loves Hajime he isn’t a traitor.

“There was totally a curse,” Tooru tells him. “But I broke it because I’m awesome.” Hajime groans. Tobio scoffs.

“I bet I could have broken it.”

Tooru sticks his tongue out at his baby cousin. “But you didn’t so it doesn’t matter.”

“I swear to god, if you both don’t shut up right now I’m calling everyone and cancelling the party.” Hajime hisses.

Tobio looks chastised, Tooru perks up. “Party, what party?”

Hajime rolls his eyes. “Your birthday party, stupid. I knew once you got over this stupid curse business you’d be upset that you didn’t have a party so I decided to schedule it for tonight instead.”

Tooru leans over and grabs Hajime’s face between his hands. “Hajime, I think I love you.”

Tobio wrinkles his nose. “Gross.”

“Boys don’t have cooties, Tobio-chan,” Tooru admonishes.

“I know that, I’m not five.” Tobio grumbles. “I just don’t want to hear about your nasty love life.”

Hajime throws his hands up in the air, dislodging Tooru from his face. “Tobio, we’ve been together since you were in diapers.” 

Tooru smiles as Tobio pulls a face at Hajime. After two months of waiting to die things were finally going back to normal.

Then the other shoe drops.

“Wait a second,” Tooru says in mounting horror. “I’m thirty. I’m old!”

…

Oikawa Tooru is thirty-three years old and he is pretty sure he’s allergic to dust.

“Iwa-chan, no more please.”

“There are more pictures back here,” Hajime says, digging another box out of the storage closet. “The right pictures have to be in this box.”

“They’re all so dusty I’m going to die,” Tooru says, and then he sneezes as if to prove a point.

They’re looking for Tobio’s baby pictures so that Tooru can make a poster for Tobio’s graduation party. Tooru has never regretted committing to a project more.

“Stop being so dramatic, you won’t die from every little thing Shittykawa.”

“I might,” Tooru says, sniffling to prove a point. “Like a curse.”

Hajime groans as he opens the box. “Not this again. Wasn’t that curse supposed to be broken because you turned thirty or something?”

Tooru laughs. “Yeah. No one in my family has lived past twenty-nine in centuries, except me.”

“You’re so amazing,” Hajime says with dry sarcasm.

Tooru gives a dramatized swoon. “Oh, Iwa-chan said I’m amazing.”

“Shut it.”

Tooru laughs again and Hajime smiles as he digs through the dusty contents of the box.

Barely five minutes later Hajime unearths a blurry photo of an elderly couple sitting on a bench he doesn't recognize. 

“Hey, Tooru, who’s this?”

Tooru leans over his shoulder. “I don’t know, is there anything on the back?”

Hajime flips the photo over to find Tobio’s mother’s tight handwriting. “It says ‘Grandma and Grandpa at Yuki’s birthday, 1980’.”

They both stare at the writing for a few minutes before Hajime speaks again. “Didn’t you say that no one in your family has lived past twenty-nine in centuries.”

Tooru grabs the photo and shoves it back in the box. “I may have embellished a little bit.”

Hajime punches him in the shoulder. It isn’t his full strength but it still hurts.

“God dammit, Shittykawa.”

“Iwa-chan, so mean.”

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on [tumblr](https://talkativelock.tumblr.com) for more multifandom nonsense or if you just want to read me screaming in the tags of posts about anime.
> 
> Edit: There is now artwork for this fic! Bean drew me a [Tobio](https://beanwaitingforya.tumblr.com/post/164395482977) breaking his frying pan and he's adorable.
> 
> Special thanks to Xeylah, Lee, Bean, Al, Jercy, Ana, Julia, Andrea, Cody, Quinn, and Steph for the words of encouragement you have given me directly in response to paragraphs of this work while I was writing it. That helps me more than you know.


End file.
